Stop Getting in the Way of Your Dreams

You probably are getting in the way of your dreams..hate to break it to you. I know I was. Not like I was physically blocking my own goals and turning them into nightmares, but it looked more like adulting. Practicality. What made sense, and what ‘should’ be done kept me from giving myself permission to dream about what I really wanted.

A very real and practical example

Let’s talk about health insurance-something I recently experienced.

It’s expensive. I knew that from the periphery of my vision health insurance just equaled dollar signs, several of them. As a full time, employed individual working for someone else for 20 years, and then even part time for 6 months – the contribution out of my pocket for family coverage was very minimal – like $40 a paycheck minimal. It was pennies. I knew that purchasing our own coverage as self employed individuals would be costly. In fact, for years my husband and I believed that it was too big of a barrier to consider me doing anything else – it was part of the ‘package’ that I brought to the family table.

Barf. It was so limiting.

I didn’t let myself look past the benefits of doing something else for work, and only saw that I’d need to pay for insurance out of pocket – and that stopped me in my tracks.

Yes, it’s expensive. Are you up for stomaching the details?

We will pay $934 per month for family coverage that has a high annual deductible of $17k. That means for ‘most’ of our plan to kick in…we have to pay $17k first. So, it’s for catastrophic coverage..truly! Luckily, we’re a pretty healthy bunch and a PCP visit should only run us $70. Otherwise, if we land ourselves a trip to the urgent care or emergency room, we’re using the health savings fund I’ve been piling money into for the last few years.

Side note: if you aren’t contributing to a HSA plan, look into it! It’s a great tax benefit and is a terrific savings fund for health related expenses that doesn’t expire.

It’s grown up responsibilities like these that stomp on our unbridled dreams. Those dreams that we have as kids, where we know nothing of insurance expenses and hurdles that will get in the way of us moving full steam ahead.

Kids are terrific dreamers

Do you have a special kid in your life?

Ask that youngster what they want to do when they grow up. Most will spout off 2-3 gigs that they think will be fun. I’m betting anything from YouTuber to Lego Master, often some sort of animal related job, and a helper of sorts.

They don’t care about income.

They have no inhibitions about what their friends will think.

They are clueless about the education they’ll need, or the first steps.

They aren’t afraid to fail.

Kids are clear on what that dream is. We grown ups can learn so much from this, so we can actually stop getting in the way of our dreams!

Adults have barriers to our dreams.

1. Can’t see through your finances/bills.

Just like I couldn’t see through the cost of out of pocket insurance, our bills get in the way of giving us the ability to do what we want. If you have too many expenses, and/or not enough income – it’s limiting your ability to carve out funds for that course you need to take, or that trip you’d like to go on, or that reduction in schedule you’d like to take to pursue something else.

2. Peer judgment.

This could also be family judgment..or social media acquaintances that have weird expectations. Following a dream, when made public could bring forward skeptics or naysayers or other forms of negativity that you just don’t want to deal with.

3. Should be here or there.

Ah, yes..the ‘shoulding’. This commonly looks like following the career path that is directly correlated with your college degree, or pursuing the path that your parents always wanted for you.

4. I ‘deserve it’ spending.

Similar to bills getting in the way, spending will also keep you from gaining that wiggle room that we may need to pursue something new or different. This type of spending is usually preceded with comments like, “I’ve worked really hard this week/month, I deserve this.”, or “I’m 27 years old, so I deserve to drive a new car, or own my first house, or….” You get the idea.

5. Change is hard.

We get really comfortable with the familiar. Doing something different, even if it’s what we desire, is still freaking hard. It requires new habits, tasks, and plain old discomfort.

6. Afraid to fail.

Um, yeah..that’s legit! We don’t like to do poorly at something. It’s embarrassing, bruises the ego. Nobody wants to take two steps backward.

7. Don’t know where to start.

Not only not knowing where to start, but feeling silly for not knowing where to start. Where is the beginning anyway? Do I have to start there? Can I fast forward a bit? Am I too old/young to do this beginner thing?

8. Lack of support.

Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be a cheerleader for you, and let’s be honest, we need cheerleaders to win games sometimes. The thought of being your own cheerleader can be intimidating as a very big task. I mean, you know your mood swings – and they can be hard to manage sometimes.

9. Need to complete training or education.

Again, this could be a financial barrier, or even a ‘school’ barrier. Been there, done that, and don’t want to do it again kind of thing.

10. Fear of success.

What, the what!? Success? YES. The barrier that if you succeed with this new dream – you’ll have to keep it up. There will be new standards to uphold and new expectations of yourself, and from others. Game changer that you may not be ready for.

Which of the 10 barriers most resonate with you, and is getting in the way of your dreams?

Gut punch on a couple? I hope so….in the nicest way of course. Don’t worry, I’m not going to leave you hanging – let’s talk about ways to jump over these hurdles. (Also, you don’t jump over hurdles or barriers – you run over them. That’s a story for another day, and 20+ years ago.)

We need to combat our barriers to begin to dream again.

How can we break through barriers so we can start dreaming again?

Here are a few suggestions if these barriers ring true for you.

1. Can’t see through your finances/bills.

Making a plan for your money, i.e. a budget helps you prioritize your bills, spending, and give you margin to breathe a bit and fund your goals – big or small.

2. Peer judgment.

Share when you’re ready, when you have decided to commit to your next step in that big goal or dream. Once you’ve committed, the judgment won’t sound as loud – because you’ll be confident in your conviction. And if it does get loud, hide them, block them, don’t go where you aren’t supported.

3. Should be here or there.

Stop ‘shoulding’ all over yourself. Let go of any expectations that you had for your former self, or someone else had for you. If you need to have a conversation about it, then do so – but last I checked you were the one living your life, not someone else!

4. I ‘deserve it’ spending.

You deserve the moon, I’m sure – but your spending should match what you can afford. Right now, not when the next statement is due or considering what the minimum payment is. If your taste is simply higher than your bank account, you need to grow your bank account.

5. Change is hard.

This is where the butterfly analogy fits in nicely. Caterpillars have to change in order to achieve butterfly status. I bet it is hard getting all beautiful up in there, but totally worth it too.

6. Afraid to fail.

Failing would suck – but what happens if it doesn’t go as bad as all that worst case scenario that you have in your head? What if you fly?

7. Don’t know where to start.

At the beginning-like we all do! Google it. Look up a YouTube video, and spend some time researching how to begin. There’s always something out there that can help you figure out what you need to know.

8. Lack of support.

Find someone that can be an encouragement for you. It could be a friend or family member – it may not the the #1 person you want it to be – that’s okay. Find a community or individual that can rally you when you’re feeling down.

9. Need to complete training or education.

Yep, you don’t know all the things..me neither. Embrace learning something new and taking the course, hiring the coach, or getting the training you need to be successful.

10. Fear of success.

Baby steps, my friend. Success can be scary, but you can take it one step at a time.

Whew, now we don’t have to crash and burn as we see those 10 daunting barriers in front of us! Instead we can run right over them, knowing how to navigate those dream killing hurdles.

Now, identify what those dreams are!

So, what do you want? What dreams do you have?

I’m with Alley. It’s not that simple. She had not one, but two dreamy guys to chase after.

Stop getting in the way of your dream, and actually make it a reality.

If you know what your dream is – write it down.
If you’re not sure what your dream is – spend some quiet time really considering it, then write it down.
After you know it, and write it down, tell someone.
Now, back to the couch or to the sidewalk or wherever that quiet place was. You have a follow up question to ask. Why do you want it?
What’s that dream going to accomplish for you? What else? How will you feel? What’s it going to change about how you live your daily life?
Write down your why next to your dream.

You now have the making of some great motivation.

Break down that dream into mini goals or steps, and start working them one at a time my friend!

Living the Dream

How I’m living now, and why I’m glad I decided to stop getting in the way of my dreams.

As cheesy as it may sound, I AM living the dream right now. No, it’s not the original dream of living beachside in Mexico with the fam – but I’m not ruling it out altogether.

I have flexibility in my day to have more time for my family. I work with some incredible clients that I can call friends. We work together to accomplish their dreams and goals that provide financial freedom – the best gift I could give anyone…and I get paid for it. I am #blessed.

My goals for this year.

Despite the dreamstate, I do have goals for this year. I busted out my goal planner and did brainstorming around the familiar categories of:

Health
Relationships
Professional
Finance
Personal Development
Other

There are several areas that I have good habits around and I simply want to continue to keep them as priorities and fine tune. Others, I need more concerted effort to stop and start habits to better support my overall goals.

Diving into my personal goals.

Health

These may look a lot like yours…and most people’s January of each year.

I want to continue (and bump up from my current slump) my activity level with time at the gym and/or walkabouts in the neighborhood/hikes in the warmer weather. I want to build strength and more importantly, help manage my stress levels and mood.

Back on the tracking wagon with my nutrition! When I track what I eat, I make far better choices. I’m not after a bikini bod, but I am after energy, good sleep, and looser pants.

Relationships

This one is my #1. I mean, these people are my number ones – and this is where my concerted effort will go. You guys, I’ve spent the past 2 years building my business, 2.5 years if we include the blog launch – and all for an ultimate goal of more time with my family. That time is now!

There are two habits or practices that I believe will help me with this goal. One my husband gifted me, and my heart exploded. It’s a Date Night Calendar! Dedicated time with my main squeeze – all dates are a surprise until the month of. The spontaneity and romance has me feeling all the feels..you could say I’m excited!

Next up is a habit that I need to stop. Maybe I’m not alone? It’s my phone time. I used the crutch of responding to my business account, interacting with others as I’m building relationships, etc. While all that may be needed or true, it shouldn’t get in the way of my family time.

Professional

As 2022 is my first full time year in the business, I have growth goals! Not only expanding my offerings, but increasing the number of clients I can serve too – while keeping good balance and boundaries with my family. Money goal? Double my income from 2021.

Finance

We’re continuing our habit and practice of budgeting…it would be blasphemous for a financial coach not to practice what she preaches after all!

We’ll be tossing any extra money beyond our budget boundaries into our house savings fund. We have about $130k left to go on the mortgage, and I’m hoping to pay it off within 3 years.

Personal Development

Another batch of continues for me here. I will continue to dedicate time monthly to group coaching and development calls (of several varieties) for myself, reading, and podcasts to continue to learn personally and professionally.

I’ll also continue to spend time daily digging into the Bible – this year I completed a ‘one year reading/listening’ plan plus devotional that I will be repeating again this year. I’ll also be digging into various books with my Bible Study Group of gals too.

Other

Pass! Less is more for me this year. There are no other burning categories or goals I wish to tackle. I want to finish the ones I start!

Smart Goals

Specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time bound.

I like when they’re wrapped up all SMART like that, but I’m not going to write them out that way this year. Instead, I’m going to focus on the habits that will help get me to goal.

2022 Habits

Move my body 5x per week.
Track my meals daily, including a ‘heavy’ calorie day weekly.
Keep my phone charging station in the kitchen.
Daily calendar block for intentional social media time before I’m “off work” for the evening.
Book 5 strategy calls monthly.
Reserve 1 day weekly for admin tasks and growth projects.
Plan 1 week monthly for projects and/or getaways.
Weekly budget review.
Continue dedicated morning devo time.